Too Hot to Handle? Or Too Scripted to Satisfy?

Reality television has always been a popular category of entertainment. What better way to pass time than to get extremely invested in a complete stranger’s love life? With an influx of dating shows being produced, audiences only have to log onto their streaming service of choice before being bombarded with options. One show that has skyrocketed to popularity is Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle (THTH; Gibson, 2020).

The first season of THTH was released in 2020, becoming the #1 show on Canadian charts after its release (O’Brien, 2020). More than just an eye-catching title, THTH introduced an eye-widening concept; the show revolves around the sex and dating lives of 10 conventionally attractive singles from around the world. Brought onto the show under the guise of being cast onto a different reality television show, the contestants are informed that they have been identified as having “meaningless sex,” and being unable to form “meaningful” relationships (Gibson, 2020). To remedy this, they must spend the summer trying to form an emotional relationship with another contestant without engaging in sexual activity of any kind - nope, not even masturbation (more on that later)! An incentive of a $100,000-$200,000 USD prize fund waits to be awarded at the end of the show. To enforce the rules, money from the prize fund is deducted for every sexual act that is performed, all priced differently (Gibson, 2020). For example, a kiss is a $3,000-$6,000 deduction, while having penetrative sex is the maximum price to pay - costing the team $20,000-$40,000.

While entertaining and drama-filled, the show is also problematic and unsettling. The underlying message that THTH shares is heteronormative, sex-negative, and plainly incorrect. Maybe it’s time to turn these tables and start issuing fines to the real wrongdoers at hand with THTH starting with a potential prize fund of $9,000.

$3,000 Deduction for Enforcing Heteronormative Scripts!

A sexual script is a socially constructed guideline for appropriate sexual behaviour and encounters which is organized through gender, class, ethnicity, sexuality, etc. Sexual scripts give direction to what one “should” be doing at a determined time and in a determined place if they are to “play the role” characteristically associated with that script (Wiederman, 2005). For example, sexual scripts dictate the “correct” sequence of sexual acts, - with the traditional sexual script being extremely gendered and heteronormative (O’Sullivan et al., 2007); the traditionally enforced sequence of sexual acts begins with kissing, before progressing to manual sex, then oral sex, with all acts leading up to penetrative sex.

The unknown powers (producers? writers?) behind THTH have created a price list for different sexual activities—the “worse” the activity, the steeper the cost. This in itself is inherently problematic and implies that it is wrong for consenting adults to engage sexually with each other and is something they should be (and are) fiscally punished for. Additionally, the increasing prices associated with each sexual act imply an order to these sexual acts; this imposes and enforces the traditional (heteronormative) sexual script on both the contestants and the audience watching from home.

Moreover, as the traditional sexual script is heteronormative, THTH enforces this sequence of acts only within the context of monogamous heterosexual relationships. There is no consideration for relationships or sexual practices that may be outside of this script and context, which leaves out certain individuals and groups – or, more broadly, anyone who may want to deviate from the traditional script. How? Sex does not look the same to all people. For instance, to some, manual and oral sex do not lead to penetrative sex - it is the sex. “Foreplay” is not foreplay to everyone. Enforcing a traditional sexual script explicitly indicates that all roads lead (or should lead) to penetrative sex, and this is a limited and exclusionary rhetoric.

$3,000 Deduction for Sex Negativity!

THTH is conceptually intensely sex negative. Right from the beginning, the contestants are informed that the reason they were deceived and brought onto this “sexual rehab” show is because they had been identified as choosing meaningless sex and flings over meaningful relationships. In one fell swoop, THTH asserts that there is an issue with the contestants’ behaviour that otherwise was not expressed by them as being an issue or distressing, and it establishes that only some relationships are meaningful (i.e., heterosexual committed relationships). The contestants are adults who can make decisions about the type of relationships they want to engage in; there is not a problem with preferring to be sexually active casually instead of only within the context of a romantic relationship. Again, this reinforces a script that dictates what is “good” and “normal,” and implies that everyone who does not conform is doing something wrong.

What’s more, “meaningful” emotional relationships and sexual activity are not mutually exclusive. It may be beneficial to engage in sexual activity with a partner or potential partner for several reasons; for example, engaging in sexual activity promotes the release of the hormone oxytocin, which produces intimacy and feelings of emotional connection between partners (Carmichael et al., 1994). In a nutshell, and contrary to the premise of the show, this means that sexual activity might actually be conducive to emotional attachment if the goal is emotional attachment.

THTH implies that it is necessary to “endure” discomfort and dissatisfaction with your sex life - in this case, by not having a sex life, in order to consequently experience a satisfying emotional relationship. In a study conducted by Smith and colleagues (2011), dissatisfaction with the amount of sex being had (or not had, in this case) was associated with lower relationship satisfaction, demonstrating the significance of sexual satisfaction in relationships. Though it shouldn’t have to be said, getting into healthy relationships should not be uncomfortable and should only be on the terms of those involved.

About halfway through each season, THTH introduces wristbands to the contestants that glow green during a moment of “genuine connection,” upon which they are allowed to engage with each other sexually until the light goes out (Gibson, 2020). Talk about getting their 7 seconds in heaven! This narrative suggests that sexual activity is a reward or something to be earned, and that one can only acquire the “green light” to engage sexually with their partner once they have proved something (such as an emotional connection) to someone (and who are these people anyways?). Again, playing into a traditional sexual script, sexual activity is only deemed acceptable within a certain context - anything outside of this context warrants judgement and shaming from others. THTH fails to encourage any form of sex positivity and lacks a vital understanding of safe and healthy relationships.

$3,000 Deduction for Slandering Masturbation!

Inexplicably, solo (and partnered) masturbation is among the list of restricted sexual activity on THTH, costing between $2,000-$4,000 – this is a heavy penalty for safe and healthy behaviour that doesn’t usually negatively affect anyone else and comes with many benefits (Levin, 2007). Studies have shown that masturbation may be valuable to one’s health by preventing conditions like prostate cancer and chronic non-bacterial prostatitis, and it is associated with better erectile functioning in single men (Huang et al., 2022; Rider et al., 2016; Yavaşçaoğlu et al., 1999). Masturbation is also associated with other benefits such as a better sleep quality and latency, higher self-esteem, more positive body image, and less sexual anxiety (Gianotten, 2021; Oesterling et al., 2023). Given all the benefits to be reaped, it is unclear how refraining from masturbation might be advantageous to contestants on THTH.

In one episode, THTH depicts a contestant in distress because of the pain and tension they were experiencing as a result of the extended period of time without any kind of sexual release. Later, the contestant is shamed by other contestants due to incurring a financial penalty for masturbating to relieve their physical discomfort - despite the fact that they were forming a connection with another contestant. Although treated as a comical event, it may be harmful to depict masturbation as a behaviour to be punished for, a behaviour that must cease in the contexts of romantic relationships, or a behaviour that can be monitored and policed by others to whom it does not concern (Kaestle & Allen, 2011).

$0 Left in the Prize Fund!

Unsurprisingly, there is no more money left in THTH’s prize fund - meaning, there is too much harm being done by THTH. THTH offers little benefit to viewers beyond shock value entertainment. It discourages practices that are completely valid and healthy, and it encourages everyone to follow one script for what is considered “normal” and “good.” Despite being treated as a funny and wholesome dating show, the underlying messages being relayed to audiences are problematic in many ways. When will we stop rebranding this questionable rhetoric as “challenges”? It is more important than ever to be critical of the media we are consuming, especially when it concerns our wellbeing. We should no longer accept misinformation and sex negativity repackaged and wrapped with a pretty bow.

So, reader, are people really too hot to handle? Or is reality television maybe not real enough?

Written by: Melody Garas (they/them), 4th year BAH Psychology, Queen's University.

References

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Gianotten, W. (2021). The (Mental) Health Benefits of Sexual Expression (pp. 57–70). https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-52298-8_6

Gibson, L., Bennett, C. (Producer). (2020). Love, Sex or Money (Season 1, Episode 1) [TV series episode]. In V. Kolar (Executive producer), Too Hot To Handle Netflix. http://www.netflix.com

Huang, S., Niu, C., & Santtila, P. (2022). Masturbation frequency and sexual function in individuals with and without sexual partners. Sexes, 3(2), Article 2. https://doi.org/10.3390/sexes3020018

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O’Brien, J. (2020, April 20). Too Hot To Handle Skyrockets To Top Of Netflix Charts in US, UK & Canada. ScreenRant. https://screenrant.com/too-hot-handle-top-netflix-charts-us-uk-canada/

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