Hungry for Sex? How We Conceptualize Sex, Matters
/Without even realizing it, most of us use metaphors to narrate our sex lives. From “loving the chase” to “getting to third base," sex metaphors are everywhere. Metaphors enable us to represent abstract concepts concretely (Lakoff & Johnson, 1980). According to Conceptual Metaphor Theory, metaphorically framing a concept in a certain way guides one’s thoughts, attitudes, and subsequent behaviour (Lakoff & Johnson, 1980). Likewise, the metaphors we use for sex and sex-related topics tend to be subtle but powerfully pervasive in how they shape how we think, perceive, and act (Lakoff & Johnson, 1980). While there is an abundance of metaphors out there to describe sex, I want to note that the literature that is currently available seems to focus exclusively on the binary genders/sexes and heterosexually-identified individuals, lacking an appropriate appreciation for sexually and gender diverse individuals. With that said, it is no question that the current literature suggests that metaphors can be extremely influential; however, the question remains as to whether sex metaphors are harmful or healthy.
Sex Metaphors are Pervasive, but are They Harmful?
Many of the metaphors used to describe sex can be damaging. They tend to reflect male dominance and often portray women as objects that can be acted upon by men (Borisoff & Hahn, 1993; Weatherall & Walton, 1999; Fernandez, 2008). Weatherall and Walton (1999) suggest that conceptualizing sexual desire and activity as hunger and food can support the objectification of women and perpetuate sexist attitudes. For example, associating a woman with a sweet cookie may reduce her to an object's powerless status (Fernandez, 2008). On the other hand, one may talk about their sex life as a game, where seduction is viewed as making the right moves, flirting may be seen as chasing someone, initiating sexual activity as getting past first base, and sexual skill may be conceptualized as the number of points earned (Borisoff & Hahn, 1993; Weatherall & Walton, 1999). Unfortunately, conceptualizing sex as a game is no better than the food metaphor, as it also harbours negative implications; it reinforces competitive values as it implies a winner and a loser (Thornburg, 1995; Weatherall & Walton, 1999). Likewise, the game metaphor emphasizes that partners are opponents, which may sacrifice connection, intimacy, and mutual satisfaction. Moreover, from chasing someone to getting beyond third base, the game metaphor associates itself with the traditional sexual script’s rigid, outdated, and heteronormative expected sequence of sexual behaviours (Simon & Gagnon, 1986; Borisoff & Hahn, 1993; Thornburg, 1995). Additionally, it is important to note that both the game metaphor and its ramifications extend to how we talk about sexual orientation (Weatherall & Walton, 1999). It could be damaging to discuss sexual orientation as team membership as it creates a sense of “us” versus "them" (Weatherall & Walton, 1999). For example, saying that an individual with a same-sex orientation is “playing for the other team” highlights a point of difference and labels them as an opponent (Weatherall & Walton, 1999).
Lastly, adverse consequences can occur from conceptualizing an orgasm as the end of a journey or the finale of a sexual encounter (Fernandez, 2008; Lavie-Ajayi & Joffe, 2009). Specifically, one might say that they are finished once they reach orgasm, suggesting that orgasm is the goal of sex. However, by conceptualizing orgasm in this way, it has actually been shown to induce feelings of failure, dysfunction, and self-blame among women (Lavie-Ajayi & Joffe, 2009).
Ultimately, many of the current metaphors that we use to conceptualize sex and sex- related topics are outdated and harmful. But does this mean we should completely stop using them in our everyday language?
The Importance of Sex Metaphors
When communicating with a sexual partner, instead of asking them to touch your testicles, it seems to be more socially acceptable to ask them to touch your nuts. Why is that so? Conceptual metaphors can provide a means of communication for sexually taboo topics. The restrictions from sociocultural norms influence which sex-related topics can be spoken about in a socially acceptable manner. In fact, the taboo of sex is pervasive in several cultures, so for many, sex is not easy to discuss openly (Crespo-Fernández, 2015).
While the metaphors of sexual desire and activity as hunger and food can be damaging, as discussed earlier, they can also be liberating in certain contexts. To demonstrate, Allan and Burridge (2006) illuminate various food-related euphemisms for tabooed genitals and specific sexual activities. They describe that penises are often depicted as meat, testicles as nuts, and penile masturbation as beating one’s meat (Allan & Burridge, 2006). Similarly, someone with a clitoris may talk about masturbation as flicking their bean and their first time having sex as popping their cherry (Allan & Burridge, 2006). While not ideal conceptual representations, euphemistic metaphors– such as these examples– give way to a socially acceptable language to talk about the tabooed topics surrounding sex and sexuality.
Furthermore, sex metaphors could also help expand the language we have for non- consensual and unwanted sex, as there seems to be inadequate language available (Thomas, Stelzl, & Lafrance, 2017). To elaborate, in a study by Thomas, Stelzl, and Lafrance (2017), women struggled to convey their troubling sexual experiences due to a lack of available language. Perhaps the presentation of metaphors would have provided a more comfortable way for the participants to describe some of their unwanted sexual experiences. However, it is important to note that our contemporary Western culture lacks an auspicious vocabulary of sex metaphors (Thornburg, 1995). Thus, we must develop new appropriate and healthy metaphors to conceptualize sex and sex-related topics to enhance our language surrounding sex. For instance, human sexuality educator Al Vernacchio’s (2012) revolutionary thought of conceptualizing sex as pizza is an excellent example of a healthy sex metaphor that can result in more positive outcomes. In his TED talk, Vernacchio describes that viewing sex as pizza can establish a mutually satisfying experience for all partners involved (Vernacchio, 2012). Like ordering pizza, sex requires effective communication and the goal of mutual pleasure. Additionally, in line with Conceptual Metaphor Theory, a seemingly subtle metaphor can powerfully influence one’s attitudes and behaviour; thus, we must develop and adopt a healthier repertoire of sex metaphors (Lakoff & Johnson, 1980).
Conclusion
In summary, the current metaphors that we are using to describe sex can have harmful consequences. However, sex metaphors are essential as they provide a language for discussing sex-related taboos (Allan & Burridge, 2006). In addition, as presented by Al Vernacchio (2012), there are healthier alternative metaphors that we could use to describe sex. The next time you hear your friend say that he “can’t stop drooling over her” or that “she looks good enough to eat," you may find yourself questioning how healthy it is to describe sexual desire as food.
Alternatively, perhaps you may use the food metaphor to help you talk about the importance of clitoral stimulation when you masturbate by alluding to “flicking your bean." Ultimately, sex- related metaphors are not inherently good or bad. Instead, we should focus on adopting healthier metaphors to conceptualize sex and sexuality.
Maddy Prosserman, Psychology Student (BAH) 2022, Queen’s University
References
Allan, K., & Burridge, K. (2006). Forbidden Words: Taboo and the Censoring of Language. Cambridge University Press.
Borisoff, D., & Hahn, D. F. (1993). Thinking with the body: Sexual metaphors. Communication Quarterly, 41(3), 253-260.
Crespo-Fernández, E. (2015). Sex in language: euphemistic and dysphemistic metaphors in internet forums. Bloomsbury Publishing.
Fernandez (2008). Sex-Related Euphemism and Dysphemism: An Analysis in Terms of Conceptual Metaphor Theory. Journal of the Spanish Association of Anglo-American Studies, 30(2), 95-110.
Lakoff, G., & Johnson, M. (2008). Metaphors we live by. University of Chicago press. Lavie-Ajayi, M., & Joffe, H. (2009). Social Representations of Female Orgasm. Journal of Health Psychology, 14(1), 98-107.
Simon, W., & Gagnon, J. H. (1986). Sexual scripts: Permanence and change. Archives of sexual behavior, 15(2), 97-120.
Thomas, E. J., Stelzl, M., & Lafrance, M. N. (2017). Faking to finish: Women’s accounts of feigning sexual pleasure to end unwanted sex. Sexualities, 20(3), 281-301.
Thornburg, E. G. (1995). Metaphors matter: How images of battle, sports, and sex shape the adversary system. Wisconsin Women's Law Journal, 10(2), 225-282.]
Vernacchio, A. (2012). Sex needs a new metaphor [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/al_vernacchio_sex_needs_a_new_metaphor_here_s_one/
Weatherall, A., & Walton, M. (1999). The metaphorical construction of sexual experience in a speech community of New Zealand university students. British Journal of Social Psychology, 38, 479-498.