Too Hot to Handle? Or Too Scripted to Satisfy?

Reality television has always been a popular category of entertainment. What better way to pass time than to get extremely invested in a complete stranger’s love life? With an influx of dating shows being produced, audiences only have to log onto their streaming service of choice before being bombarded with options. One show that has skyrocketed to popularity is Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle (THTH; Gibson, 2020).

The first season of THTH was released in 2020, becoming the #1 show on Canadian charts after its release (O’Brien, 2020). More than just an eye-catching title, THTH introduced an eye-widening concept; the show revolves around the sex and dating lives of 10 conventionally attractive singles from around the world. Brought onto the show under the guise of being cast onto a different reality television show, the contestants are informed that they have been identified as having “meaningless sex,” and being unable to form “meaningful” relationships (Gibson, 2020). To remedy this, they must spend the summer trying to form an emotional relationship with another contestant without engaging in sexual activity of any kind - nope, not even masturbation (more on that later)! An incentive of a $100,000-$200,000 USD prize fund waits to be awarded at the end of the show. To enforce the rules, money from the prize fund is deducted for every sexual act that is performed, all priced differently (Gibson, 2020). For example, a kiss is a $3,000-$6,000 deduction, while having penetrative sex is the maximum price to pay - costing the team $20,000-$40,000.

While entertaining and drama-filled, the show is also problematic and unsettling. The underlying message that THTH shares is heteronormative, sex-negative, and plainly incorrect. Maybe it’s time to turn these tables and start issuing fines to the real wrongdoers at hand with THTH starting with a potential prize fund of $9,000.

$3,000 Deduction for Enforcing Heteronormative Scripts!

A sexual script is a socially constructed guideline for appropriate sexual behaviour and encounters which is organized through gender, class, ethnicity, sexuality, etc. Sexual scripts give direction to what one “should” be doing at a determined time and in a determined place if they are to “play the role” characteristically associated with that script (Wiederman, 2005). For example, sexual scripts dictate the “correct” sequence of sexual acts, - with the traditional sexual script being extremely gendered and heteronormative (O’Sullivan et al., 2007); the traditionally enforced sequence of sexual acts begins with kissing, before progressing to manual sex, then oral sex, with all acts leading up to penetrative sex.

The unknown powers (producers? writers?) behind THTH have created a price list for different sexual activities—the “worse” the activity, the steeper the cost. This in itself is inherently problematic and implies that it is wrong for consenting adults to engage sexually with each other and is something they should be (and are) fiscally punished for. Additionally, the increasing prices associated with each sexual act imply an order to these sexual acts; this imposes and enforces the traditional (heteronormative) sexual script on both the contestants and the audience watching from home.

Moreover, as the traditional sexual script is heteronormative, THTH enforces this sequence of acts only within the context of monogamous heterosexual relationships. There is no consideration for relationships or sexual practices that may be outside of this script and context, which leaves out certain individuals and groups – or, more broadly, anyone who may want to deviate from the traditional script. How? Sex does not look the same to all people. For instance, to some, manual and oral sex do not lead to penetrative sex - it is the sex. “Foreplay” is not foreplay to everyone. Enforcing a traditional sexual script explicitly indicates that all roads lead (or should lead) to penetrative sex, and this is a limited and exclusionary rhetoric.

$3,000 Deduction for Sex Negativity!

THTH is conceptually intensely sex negative. Right from the beginning, the contestants are informed that the reason they were deceived and brought onto this “sexual rehab” show is because they had been identified as choosing meaningless sex and flings over meaningful relationships. In one fell swoop, THTH asserts that there is an issue with the contestants’ behaviour that otherwise was not expressed by them as being an issue or distressing, and it establishes that only some relationships are meaningful (i.e., heterosexual committed relationships). The contestants are adults who can make decisions about the type of relationships they want to engage in; there is not a problem with preferring to be sexually active casually instead of only within the context of a romantic relationship. Again, this reinforces a script that dictates what is “good” and “normal,” and implies that everyone who does not conform is doing something wrong.

What’s more, “meaningful” emotional relationships and sexual activity are not mutually exclusive. It may be beneficial to engage in sexual activity with a partner or potential partner for several reasons; for example, engaging in sexual activity promotes the release of the hormone oxytocin, which produces intimacy and feelings of emotional connection between partners (Carmichael et al., 1994). In a nutshell, and contrary to the premise of the show, this means that sexual activity might actually be conducive to emotional attachment if the goal is emotional attachment.

THTH implies that it is necessary to “endure” discomfort and dissatisfaction with your sex life - in this case, by not having a sex life, in order to consequently experience a satisfying emotional relationship. In a study conducted by Smith and colleagues (2011), dissatisfaction with the amount of sex being had (or not had, in this case) was associated with lower relationship satisfaction, demonstrating the significance of sexual satisfaction in relationships. Though it shouldn’t have to be said, getting into healthy relationships should not be uncomfortable and should only be on the terms of those involved.

About halfway through each season, THTH introduces wristbands to the contestants that glow green during a moment of “genuine connection,” upon which they are allowed to engage with each other sexually until the light goes out (Gibson, 2020). Talk about getting their 7 seconds in heaven! This narrative suggests that sexual activity is a reward or something to be earned, and that one can only acquire the “green light” to engage sexually with their partner once they have proved something (such as an emotional connection) to someone (and who are these people anyways?). Again, playing into a traditional sexual script, sexual activity is only deemed acceptable within a certain context - anything outside of this context warrants judgement and shaming from others. THTH fails to encourage any form of sex positivity and lacks a vital understanding of safe and healthy relationships.

$3,000 Deduction for Slandering Masturbation!

Inexplicably, solo (and partnered) masturbation is among the list of restricted sexual activity on THTH, costing between $2,000-$4,000 – this is a heavy penalty for safe and healthy behaviour that doesn’t usually negatively affect anyone else and comes with many benefits (Levin, 2007). Studies have shown that masturbation may be valuable to one’s health by preventing conditions like prostate cancer and chronic non-bacterial prostatitis, and it is associated with better erectile functioning in single men (Huang et al., 2022; Rider et al., 2016; Yavaşçaoğlu et al., 1999). Masturbation is also associated with other benefits such as a better sleep quality and latency, higher self-esteem, more positive body image, and less sexual anxiety (Gianotten, 2021; Oesterling et al., 2023). Given all the benefits to be reaped, it is unclear how refraining from masturbation might be advantageous to contestants on THTH.

In one episode, THTH depicts a contestant in distress because of the pain and tension they were experiencing as a result of the extended period of time without any kind of sexual release. Later, the contestant is shamed by other contestants due to incurring a financial penalty for masturbating to relieve their physical discomfort - despite the fact that they were forming a connection with another contestant. Although treated as a comical event, it may be harmful to depict masturbation as a behaviour to be punished for, a behaviour that must cease in the contexts of romantic relationships, or a behaviour that can be monitored and policed by others to whom it does not concern (Kaestle & Allen, 2011).

$0 Left in the Prize Fund!

Unsurprisingly, there is no more money left in THTH’s prize fund - meaning, there is too much harm being done by THTH. THTH offers little benefit to viewers beyond shock value entertainment. It discourages practices that are completely valid and healthy, and it encourages everyone to follow one script for what is considered “normal” and “good.” Despite being treated as a funny and wholesome dating show, the underlying messages being relayed to audiences are problematic in many ways. When will we stop rebranding this questionable rhetoric as “challenges”? It is more important than ever to be critical of the media we are consuming, especially when it concerns our wellbeing. We should no longer accept misinformation and sex negativity repackaged and wrapped with a pretty bow.

So, reader, are people really too hot to handle? Or is reality television maybe not real enough?

Written by: Melody Garas (they/them), 4th year BAH Psychology, Queen's University.

References

Carmichael, M. S., Warburton, V. L., Dixen, J., & Davidson, J. M. (1994). Relationships among cardiovascular, muscular, and oxytocin responses during human sexual activity. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 23(1), 59–79. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF01541618

Gianotten, W. (2021). The (Mental) Health Benefits of Sexual Expression (pp. 57–70). https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-52298-8_6

Gibson, L., Bennett, C. (Producer). (2020). Love, Sex or Money (Season 1, Episode 1) [TV series episode]. In V. Kolar (Executive producer), Too Hot To Handle Netflix. http://www.netflix.com

Huang, S., Niu, C., & Santtila, P. (2022). Masturbation frequency and sexual function in individuals with and without sexual partners. Sexes, 3(2), Article 2. https://doi.org/10.3390/sexes3020018

Kaestle, C. E., & Allen, K. R. (2011). The Role of Masturbation in Healthy Sexual Development: Perceptions of Young Adults. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40(5), 983–994. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-010-9722-0

Levin, R. J. (2007). Sexual activity, health and well-being – the beneficial roles of coitus and masturbation. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 22(1), 135–148. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681990601149197

O’Brien, J. (2020, April 20). Too Hot To Handle Skyrockets To Top Of Netflix Charts in US, UK & Canada. ScreenRant. https://screenrant.com/too-hot-handle-top-netflix-charts-us-uk-canada/

Oesterling, C. F., Borg, C., Juhola, E., & Lancel, M. (2023). The influence of sexual activity on sleep: A diary study. Journal of Sleep Research, 32(4), e13814. https://doi.org/10.1111/jsr.13814

O’Sullivan, L. F., Cheng, M. M., Harris, K. M., & Brooks-Gunn, J. (2007). I wanna hold your hand: The progression of social, romantic and sexual events in adolescent relationships. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 39(2), 100–107. https://doi.org/10.1363/3910007

Rider, J. R., Wilson, K. M., Sinnott, J. A., Kelly, R. S., Mucci, L. A., & Giovannucci, E. L. (2016). Ejaculation frequency and risk of prostate cancer: Updated results with an additional decade of follow-up. European Urology, 70(6), 974–982. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eururo.2016.03.027

Smith, A., Lyons, A., Ferris, J., Richters, J., Pitts, M., Shelley, J., & Simpson, J. M. (2011). Sexual and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual men and women: The importance of desired frequency of sex. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 37(2), 104–115. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2011.560531

Wiederman, M. W. (2005) The gendered nature of sexual scripts. The Family Journal, 13(4), 496-502. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480705278729

Yavaşçaoğlu, I., Oktay, B., Simşek, U., & Ozyurt, M. (1999). Role of ejaculation in the treatment of chronic non-bacterial prostatitis. International Journal of Urology: Official Journal of the Japanese Urological Association, 6(3), 130–134. https://doi.org/10.1046/j.1442-2042.1999.06338.x

Don't Be Silly, Wrap Your Willy!

The most frequent and simple method of protection during all types of sexual activity is the use of a condom, which is available in two varieties: the internal condom (for bodily openings that are penetrated) and the more commonly known external condom (for body parts that penetrate). Despite the existence of other contraceptive methods, condoms remain the only method of birth control that also helps to decrease sexually transmitted infection (STI) transmission. Although latex condoms are the most common type purchased (Orrell, 2021), alternative materials are also available for allergy and sustainability purposes. Society places a great deal of importance on the use of condoms, which, when used correctly, have very high rates of effectiveness in preventing pregnancy and the transmission of STIs (Birnbach et al., 2019). Condoms of all kinds are accessible and affordable, but there are still many criticisms surrounding their use. The most frequent criticism of condoms is that they are uncomfortable to wear and that they dull the sensations of sexual activity. However, there are many different condom materials and lubes that can help with these complaints, which may involve some trial and error when experimenting with what works best for you. In addition, some people with eco friendliness on their minds are also aware that condoms contribute to filling up the landfill. More and more products in the world are becoming sustainable and the movement towards sustainable sex products is also on the rise.

A Condom’s Environmental Footprint

The whole process of many condom brands, from the manufacturing process to disposing, has made and continues to produce negative environmental impacts around the world. Birnbach et al. (2019) suggest that the biggest contributors are the manufacturing of condoms, which involves the use of packaging materials and energy, among other things. Most condoms are made from synthetic rubbers that are non-biodegradable (e.g., polyisoprene), and the processes involved have been claimed as significantly damaging to the environment (Campbell, 2019). Because most condoms are composed of synthetic latex and include additives and chemicals, they cannot be recycled and end up in landfills (Orrell, 2021). Campbell (2019) explains in her blog that these materials take years to break down and create negative impacts on the environment. In addition, rubber plantations can present dangers to the surrounding area, and some include deforestation and loss of biodiversity, loss of soil productivity, and poor water quality and quantity (Birnbach et al., 2019). Adding to environmental concerns is the fact that most condoms are made using casein, an animal by-product made from goat or cow milk; thus, they are not vegan or guaranteed to be cruelty-free (Campbell, 2019).

But it is not all “doom and gloom.” There are now options to help people “stay clean while going green” and help decrease the environmental footprint associated with condoms. There are many different ways sex can be made environmentally friendly, such as organic lubricants, hand cranked vibrators, and more specifically, organic condoms (Kingsbury, 2009). Sustainable solutions like waste-free contraceptive methods and vegan condoms have been slowly increasing in popularity in recent years.

Alternative options

To many people’s surprise, vegan condoms have been shown to have the same efficacy for STI transmission and pregnancy as non-vegan condoms (Moore, 2022), although efficacy rates, like non-vegan condoms, rely on the individual's usage of the product. According to Abby Moore's (2022) medically reviewed blog on vegan condoms, many condom brands claim to be vegan but are no better for the environment than non-vegan condoms. This is because the main ingredient is still latex, and it is ends up in landfills. Fortunately, this situation has sparked interest in many to create both a vegan and ecological alternative that is as effective as traditional condoms. In an interesting New York Times article, an eco-friendly, non-toxic, and vegan condom created by father and daughter team Jeffrey and Meika Hollender exists (Gelles, 2017). The company that sells this product is called Sustain Natural, and it is an excellent example of a product that is available as a replacement for environmentally harmful condom brands. Gelles (2017) notes in her article that this all products sold by this company are environmentally friendly, right down to the manufacturing that is carried out in Southern India at a Fair-Trade rubber plantation factory that is entirely solar powered. The condoms produced by Sustain Natural are nitrosamine-free (a carcinogenic ingredient found in many other condom brands) and does not use casein, making them vegan (Gelles, 2017). Several other environmentally-friendly condoms exist as well, like GLYDE, which offers plant-based latex that is free of casein and harsh chemicals and is manufactured in an environmentally friendly manner (Moore, 2022).

Vegan and Ecofriendly Condoms Versus Other Brands

When people hear about vegan, natural, and organic condoms, hesitation about their effectiveness is often experienced. This makes sense as many people trust the most popular products in stores as they recognize the brands and find it possibly scary to try a lesser-known brand. Moore (2022) explains in her blog that the efficacy rates for STI protection and pregnancy prevention of both vegan and non-vegan condoms are the same, and both depend on the way the products are used. There are a few factors that people may question if it is worth switching over, such as accessibility and the price point. Many stores carry this greener type of condom, and if not, there are many websites online that have tons of options. For the price point, the high production and labour cost to manufacture these products in a more environmentally friendly manner leads to the products being slightly more expensive than brands that do not.

Food for thought

Overall, condoms are important to use for many reasons, and they are good at what they do in terms of increased protection from STIs and pregnancy. With the rise of global environmental concerns, many companies have begun to adapt and create more environmentally friendly products that yield the same efficacy rates as one-time-use products. There are many greener alternative options that do not use potentially harmful ingredients used in many traditionally produced condoms. This is important to highlight, as simply making a switch like this can positively impact the environment while making sex safer.

Erin Hislop (she/her) Queen’s University, Sociology BAH (Min. Psychology), Class of 2024

 References

Birnbach, M., Lehmann, A., Naranjo, E., & Finkbeiner, M. (2020). A condom’s footprint - life cycle assessment of a natural rubber condom. The International Journal of Life Cycle Assessment, 25(6), 964–979. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11367-019-01701-y

Campbell, M. (2019, August 8). Eco-friendly sex life: Are condoms good for the environment? ONE Only Natural Energy. Retrieved November 12, 2022, from https://www.onlynaturalenergy.com/eco-friendly-sex-life-are-condoms-good-for-the-environment/ 

Gelles, D. (2017, February 17). Eco-friendly, nontoxic and vegan: It's a condom. The New York Times. Retrieved November 12, 2022, from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/17/business/condoms-nontoxic-vegan-.html 

Kingsbury, K. (2009). Sex and the Eco-City. Time (Chicago, Ill.), 174(16), 51–.

Moore, A. (2022, January 14). Yes, condoms can be vegan - here's what that means + 9 brands to try. mindbodygreen. Retrieved November 11, 2022, from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/vegan-and-organic-condoms 

Orrell, H. (2021, October 26). Eco-friendly sex: What is it and how does it impact on climate change? BBC News. Retrieved November 12, 2022, from https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-59046518