The Symphonious Relationship Between Song and Sex

As sex and song involve the use of mechanisms working together to control rhythm while balancing feelings, both share immense similarities, making it no surprise that the pair has had a long, dynamic relationship. But as vibrant as a symphony from Beethoven or an album by Beyoncé, the relationship between sex and song has both joyful synchronizations and dark harmonies. But it is up to you, the audience, to evaluate whether the union between these two integral parts of humanity has major value, or rather, has been a minor deficit.

Music and sex go hand in hand. Thus, it is not a coincidence the two are inseparable in terms of the creation of contemporary music. Many popular artists incorporate themes of sex into their music; each song supplying novel views on sexuality, sexual expectations, and sexual partners, which listeners can digest to fuel their sexual schemas. As a result of the immense popularity of these “sexy” songs, many of them could potentially be used in people’s sexual scripts (Wang, 2023). From setting the mood with some slow R&B to using the lyrics to guide a sexual experience, “sexy” songs are integral to a vast range of sexual scripts (Wang, 2023).

As music can play a vital role in the development of sexual scripts, differing opinions on the content of sexual music have arisen. One of the most popular musicians of the twenty-first century, The Weeknd, is praised for his music's sexual functionality (Jr, 2020). According to data from the music streaming service Spotify, The Weeknd is the top artist that Spotify users add to playlists that are meant for sexual activity (Jr, 2020), making him their “number one” artist most listened to during sex (Jr, 2020). However, The Weeknd has come under fire for perpetuating unfavourable sexual stereotypes about women through several of his songs (Adibe, 2020). His music has also been criticized for encouraging toxic masculinity and supporting a limited, oppressive definition of manhood that emphasizes the integration of aggression, sex, violence, and prestige (Adibe, 2020). Many contend that the themes of sexual coercion, sexual aggression, and the use of drugs and alcohol to manipulate someone into having sex are aestheticized in his song, "High for This" (Adibe, 2020). The viewpoint of Adibe (2020) highlights the potentially negative side of the integration between sex and song, especially considering The Weeknd's vast following and ability to affect sexual scripts among his listeners.

A rising number of studies have appeared in response to concerns about the degrading elements in popular music. This field of study investigates the psychological effects that music may have, particularly on young listeners. Research conducted by Martino et al. (2006) found that, in contrast to other sexual content, listening to music with degrading sexual lyrics is associated with earlier advancements in sexual activity involving penetration and in non-penetrative sexual activity (kissing, genital stimulation, oral-genital contact) among adolescents. This finding supports the sexual script explanation and raises the possibility that the effect is due to societal signals outlining and enforcing the practices in which men and women engage in during sexual situations (Martino et al., 2006). The study shows one of the vast ways in which music can influence sexual behaviour and how sexual themes in lyrics can affect psychological development (Martino et al., 2006), providing support that the way one popular artist talks about sexual roles could potentially affect the development of a youth’s sexuality.

Considering the historically long and key role music plays in humanity, and the integration of sex and song in popular culture, it is no wonder that some researchers believe that the link between the two could be evolutionary. Curious about the evolutionary and neurobiological underpinnings of the connection between music and humanity, Mallik et al. (2017) examined the ways that music activates brain areas. Through this study, Mallik et al. (2017) found that music stimulates reward pathways in a manner similar to that of sexual pleasure. They also revealed that the processing of music, sexual behaviour, and attraction share comparable brain regions and neurochemicals (Mallik et al., 2017). Research by Mallik et al. (2017) not only shows the strength of the relationship between song and sex but also posits empirical evidence for an evolutionary link in their dynamic connection.

Although there is research to suggest an evolutionary and neurobiological role for music in sexual behaviour, sexual attraction, and sexual pleasure, there are only a few research studies evaluating the relationships' clinical implications. One recent study conducted by Micoogullari et al. (2021) evaluated the effectiveness of music therapy as a treatment for premature ejaculation (PE). Micoogullari et al. (2021) compared the intravaginal ejaculation latency time (IELT), premature ejaculation diagnostic tool (PEDT), and anxiety scores of patients with PE symptoms who received music therapy to patients who received 30 mg of dapoxetine (a popular medication for PE) as treatment. In both groups, Micoogullari et al. (2021) found a significant difference between pre- and post-treatment intravaginal ejaculation latency times, scores on the premature diagnostic tool, and anxiety scores for patients with PE symptoms. Most importantly, Micoogullari et al. (2021) found that there was no significant difference between the groups, proposing that music therapy for treatment in those with PE symptoms is as effective as dapoxetine, the most popular treatment for PE (Micoogullari et al., 2021). This work is fascinating as it asserts that music can be used to treat sexual dysfunction, expressing the potential for the future of music as a therapeutic instrument.

The relationship between song and sex has multiple chords in its repertoire. From opinions about the sexual content of songs and their effects on sexual development to neurobiological underpinnings and successful clinical treatment for sexual dysfunctions, the vast relationship between song and sex cannot be captured in one symphony. Ultimately, the most important aspect of the relationship between song and sex lies within the context of the individual. It lies within the harmonies of the human mind and rather, in what way the human mind will integrate these elements into melodious, and unique sexual scripts.

Jacob De Jong, BAH Psychology, Fourth Year, Queen’s University.

References

Adibe, N. (2020, November 12). The Weeknd Provides a Case Study in Toxic Masculinity. Study Breaks. https://studybreaks.com/culture/music/the-weeknd-toxic-masculinity/

Jr, T. C. (2020, July 5). A New Study Revealed The Most Popular Spotify Songs People Have Sex To. BuzzFeed. https://www.buzzfeed.com/terrycarter/popular-spotify-songs-to-play-during-sex

Mallik, A., Chanda, M., & Levitin, D. (2017). Anhedonia to music and mu-opioids: Evidence from the administration of naltrexone. Scientific Reports, 7(1). https://doi.org/10.1038/srep41952

Martino, S. C., Collins, R. L., Elliott, M. N., Strachman, A., Kanouse, D. E., & Berry, S. H. (2006). Exposure to Degrading Versus Nondegrading Music Lyrics and Sexual Behavior Among Youth. Pediatrics, 118(2), e430–e441. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2006-0131

Micoogullari, U., Kisa, E., Celik, O., Erbay, O. F., Koc, E., & Gok, B. (2021). New behavior therapy in the treatment of acquired premature ejaculation: A comparative study of listening to music. Archivos Espanoles de Urologia, 74(5), 519–525. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34080572/

Wang, C. (2023). Why Do We Enjoy Having Sex to Music? Getmegiddy.com. https://getmegiddy.com/why-do-we-enjoy-sex-to-music

Too Hot to Handle? Or Too Scripted to Satisfy?

Reality television has always been a popular category of entertainment. What better way to pass time than to get extremely invested in a complete stranger’s love life? With an influx of dating shows being produced, audiences only have to log onto their streaming service of choice before being bombarded with options. One show that has skyrocketed to popularity is Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle (THTH; Gibson, 2020).

The first season of THTH was released in 2020, becoming the #1 show on Canadian charts after its release (O’Brien, 2020). More than just an eye-catching title, THTH introduced an eye-widening concept; the show revolves around the sex and dating lives of 10 conventionally attractive singles from around the world. Brought onto the show under the guise of being cast onto a different reality television show, the contestants are informed that they have been identified as having “meaningless sex,” and being unable to form “meaningful” relationships (Gibson, 2020). To remedy this, they must spend the summer trying to form an emotional relationship with another contestant without engaging in sexual activity of any kind - nope, not even masturbation (more on that later)! An incentive of a $100,000-$200,000 USD prize fund waits to be awarded at the end of the show. To enforce the rules, money from the prize fund is deducted for every sexual act that is performed, all priced differently (Gibson, 2020). For example, a kiss is a $3,000-$6,000 deduction, while having penetrative sex is the maximum price to pay - costing the team $20,000-$40,000.

While entertaining and drama-filled, the show is also problematic and unsettling. The underlying message that THTH shares is heteronormative, sex-negative, and plainly incorrect. Maybe it’s time to turn these tables and start issuing fines to the real wrongdoers at hand with THTH starting with a potential prize fund of $9,000.

$3,000 Deduction for Enforcing Heteronormative Scripts!

A sexual script is a socially constructed guideline for appropriate sexual behaviour and encounters which is organized through gender, class, ethnicity, sexuality, etc. Sexual scripts give direction to what one “should” be doing at a determined time and in a determined place if they are to “play the role” characteristically associated with that script (Wiederman, 2005). For example, sexual scripts dictate the “correct” sequence of sexual acts, - with the traditional sexual script being extremely gendered and heteronormative (O’Sullivan et al., 2007); the traditionally enforced sequence of sexual acts begins with kissing, before progressing to manual sex, then oral sex, with all acts leading up to penetrative sex.

The unknown powers (producers? writers?) behind THTH have created a price list for different sexual activities—the “worse” the activity, the steeper the cost. This in itself is inherently problematic and implies that it is wrong for consenting adults to engage sexually with each other and is something they should be (and are) fiscally punished for. Additionally, the increasing prices associated with each sexual act imply an order to these sexual acts; this imposes and enforces the traditional (heteronormative) sexual script on both the contestants and the audience watching from home.

Moreover, as the traditional sexual script is heteronormative, THTH enforces this sequence of acts only within the context of monogamous heterosexual relationships. There is no consideration for relationships or sexual practices that may be outside of this script and context, which leaves out certain individuals and groups – or, more broadly, anyone who may want to deviate from the traditional script. How? Sex does not look the same to all people. For instance, to some, manual and oral sex do not lead to penetrative sex - it is the sex. “Foreplay” is not foreplay to everyone. Enforcing a traditional sexual script explicitly indicates that all roads lead (or should lead) to penetrative sex, and this is a limited and exclusionary rhetoric.

$3,000 Deduction for Sex Negativity!

THTH is conceptually intensely sex negative. Right from the beginning, the contestants are informed that the reason they were deceived and brought onto this “sexual rehab” show is because they had been identified as choosing meaningless sex and flings over meaningful relationships. In one fell swoop, THTH asserts that there is an issue with the contestants’ behaviour that otherwise was not expressed by them as being an issue or distressing, and it establishes that only some relationships are meaningful (i.e., heterosexual committed relationships). The contestants are adults who can make decisions about the type of relationships they want to engage in; there is not a problem with preferring to be sexually active casually instead of only within the context of a romantic relationship. Again, this reinforces a script that dictates what is “good” and “normal,” and implies that everyone who does not conform is doing something wrong.

What’s more, “meaningful” emotional relationships and sexual activity are not mutually exclusive. It may be beneficial to engage in sexual activity with a partner or potential partner for several reasons; for example, engaging in sexual activity promotes the release of the hormone oxytocin, which produces intimacy and feelings of emotional connection between partners (Carmichael et al., 1994). In a nutshell, and contrary to the premise of the show, this means that sexual activity might actually be conducive to emotional attachment if the goal is emotional attachment.

THTH implies that it is necessary to “endure” discomfort and dissatisfaction with your sex life - in this case, by not having a sex life, in order to consequently experience a satisfying emotional relationship. In a study conducted by Smith and colleagues (2011), dissatisfaction with the amount of sex being had (or not had, in this case) was associated with lower relationship satisfaction, demonstrating the significance of sexual satisfaction in relationships. Though it shouldn’t have to be said, getting into healthy relationships should not be uncomfortable and should only be on the terms of those involved.

About halfway through each season, THTH introduces wristbands to the contestants that glow green during a moment of “genuine connection,” upon which they are allowed to engage with each other sexually until the light goes out (Gibson, 2020). Talk about getting their 7 seconds in heaven! This narrative suggests that sexual activity is a reward or something to be earned, and that one can only acquire the “green light” to engage sexually with their partner once they have proved something (such as an emotional connection) to someone (and who are these people anyways?). Again, playing into a traditional sexual script, sexual activity is only deemed acceptable within a certain context - anything outside of this context warrants judgement and shaming from others. THTH fails to encourage any form of sex positivity and lacks a vital understanding of safe and healthy relationships.

$3,000 Deduction for Slandering Masturbation!

Inexplicably, solo (and partnered) masturbation is among the list of restricted sexual activity on THTH, costing between $2,000-$4,000 – this is a heavy penalty for safe and healthy behaviour that doesn’t usually negatively affect anyone else and comes with many benefits (Levin, 2007). Studies have shown that masturbation may be valuable to one’s health by preventing conditions like prostate cancer and chronic non-bacterial prostatitis, and it is associated with better erectile functioning in single men (Huang et al., 2022; Rider et al., 2016; Yavaşçaoğlu et al., 1999). Masturbation is also associated with other benefits such as a better sleep quality and latency, higher self-esteem, more positive body image, and less sexual anxiety (Gianotten, 2021; Oesterling et al., 2023). Given all the benefits to be reaped, it is unclear how refraining from masturbation might be advantageous to contestants on THTH.

In one episode, THTH depicts a contestant in distress because of the pain and tension they were experiencing as a result of the extended period of time without any kind of sexual release. Later, the contestant is shamed by other contestants due to incurring a financial penalty for masturbating to relieve their physical discomfort - despite the fact that they were forming a connection with another contestant. Although treated as a comical event, it may be harmful to depict masturbation as a behaviour to be punished for, a behaviour that must cease in the contexts of romantic relationships, or a behaviour that can be monitored and policed by others to whom it does not concern (Kaestle & Allen, 2011).

$0 Left in the Prize Fund!

Unsurprisingly, there is no more money left in THTH’s prize fund - meaning, there is too much harm being done by THTH. THTH offers little benefit to viewers beyond shock value entertainment. It discourages practices that are completely valid and healthy, and it encourages everyone to follow one script for what is considered “normal” and “good.” Despite being treated as a funny and wholesome dating show, the underlying messages being relayed to audiences are problematic in many ways. When will we stop rebranding this questionable rhetoric as “challenges”? It is more important than ever to be critical of the media we are consuming, especially when it concerns our wellbeing. We should no longer accept misinformation and sex negativity repackaged and wrapped with a pretty bow.

So, reader, are people really too hot to handle? Or is reality television maybe not real enough?

Written by: Melody Garas (they/them), 4th year BAH Psychology, Queen's University.

References

Carmichael, M. S., Warburton, V. L., Dixen, J., & Davidson, J. M. (1994). Relationships among cardiovascular, muscular, and oxytocin responses during human sexual activity. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 23(1), 59–79. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF01541618

Gianotten, W. (2021). The (Mental) Health Benefits of Sexual Expression (pp. 57–70). https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-52298-8_6

Gibson, L., Bennett, C. (Producer). (2020). Love, Sex or Money (Season 1, Episode 1) [TV series episode]. In V. Kolar (Executive producer), Too Hot To Handle Netflix. http://www.netflix.com

Huang, S., Niu, C., & Santtila, P. (2022). Masturbation frequency and sexual function in individuals with and without sexual partners. Sexes, 3(2), Article 2. https://doi.org/10.3390/sexes3020018

Kaestle, C. E., & Allen, K. R. (2011). The Role of Masturbation in Healthy Sexual Development: Perceptions of Young Adults. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40(5), 983–994. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-010-9722-0

Levin, R. J. (2007). Sexual activity, health and well-being – the beneficial roles of coitus and masturbation. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 22(1), 135–148. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681990601149197

O’Brien, J. (2020, April 20). Too Hot To Handle Skyrockets To Top Of Netflix Charts in US, UK & Canada. ScreenRant. https://screenrant.com/too-hot-handle-top-netflix-charts-us-uk-canada/

Oesterling, C. F., Borg, C., Juhola, E., & Lancel, M. (2023). The influence of sexual activity on sleep: A diary study. Journal of Sleep Research, 32(4), e13814. https://doi.org/10.1111/jsr.13814

O’Sullivan, L. F., Cheng, M. M., Harris, K. M., & Brooks-Gunn, J. (2007). I wanna hold your hand: The progression of social, romantic and sexual events in adolescent relationships. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 39(2), 100–107. https://doi.org/10.1363/3910007

Rider, J. R., Wilson, K. M., Sinnott, J. A., Kelly, R. S., Mucci, L. A., & Giovannucci, E. L. (2016). Ejaculation frequency and risk of prostate cancer: Updated results with an additional decade of follow-up. European Urology, 70(6), 974–982. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eururo.2016.03.027

Smith, A., Lyons, A., Ferris, J., Richters, J., Pitts, M., Shelley, J., & Simpson, J. M. (2011). Sexual and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual men and women: The importance of desired frequency of sex. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 37(2), 104–115. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2011.560531

Wiederman, M. W. (2005) The gendered nature of sexual scripts. The Family Journal, 13(4), 496-502. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480705278729

Yavaşçaoğlu, I., Oktay, B., Simşek, U., & Ozyurt, M. (1999). Role of ejaculation in the treatment of chronic non-bacterial prostatitis. International Journal of Urology: Official Journal of the Japanese Urological Association, 6(3), 130–134. https://doi.org/10.1046/j.1442-2042.1999.06338.x